Wrap yourself up this Christmas – Best Gift You Can Give is Your Presence

Well, Christmas is coming to town – again. For me it’s the 35^th time.

This morning I was thinking how funny it would be to have an imaginary program in our head that keeps statistics of all our experiences, thoughts and perceptions.

Imagine getting a mini-report telling you which year you experienced the happiest Christmas, which one you received more gifts, spent more money, ate the best food, been saddest and loneliest and to top it all up a forecast of how this Christmas is probably going to be, based on your previous experiences.

To keep on with this imaginary scenario, you set up a target to beat this year’s forecast and perhaps set a new statistical record on best of something.

You plan ahead and you plan hard. You prepare for an outstanding Christmas day lunch or a super Christmas Eve party. You dust off and carefully consult your recipe books to plan an original and lavish menu with finest ingredients.

You also design the table or party decorations worth a presidential inauguration. Finally you increase your budget for the ‘gifts-to-buy’ list and meticulously study the perfect gift for the right person.

Satisfied with all your efforts, you pat yourself in the back and go off for a well deserved coffee break.  As you sip your coffee you are struck by a curiosity. You return to your Christmas analytics report to dig out a further statistical fact.

What was the common factor in my top 5 Christmases? Mmhhh…How did I not think about that before? If I knew that beforehand I would have focused my efforts on that single thing and saved a lot of time and energy!

After a little number crunching, an output report pops out with buzzing new information.

You are both surprised and disappointed at the same time to find out that the common denominator of your top 5 Christmases was not the number or quality of gifts received or given, Christmas day lunches, super fantastic parties or anything of the sort. It was plainly and simply the people you were with and the lovely time you spent with them.

The magical spirit of uniting

You realize the essence of it all.  It is true that Christmas is a time for celebration and festivities. It is also a time for giving and receiving wonderful gifts between family and friends.  But most of all it is a time for engaging into quality time with your loved ones.

This is what endows Christmas with its magical spirit. It is what ties a particular Christmas to a special long lasting memory.

This is also why I personally look forward to Christmas. It is mostly the atmosphere of reuniting. In the case of close family members, it is a time when you step outside the routine and engage together in a more festive and positively charged environment. For distant relatives and friends, it’s a fantastic opportunity to reunite all together and catch up with each other for the occasion.

For other social circles like work colleagues and the sort, it’s a time to leave little clashes and character frictions behind and recharge your relationships under a different spirit of Christmas warmth.

The gift of presence: Give your presence as a present

In our everyday life we are all hooked up in different activities and projects. We try to stretch our time as much as possible so as to accommodate our hectic routines. Sometimes our personal and family life suffers a little bit from this.

At times we live side by side our immediate family or loved ones but we don’t live together. Living together literally means sharing life’s experiences together with same enthusiasm and intensity.

What we need is to be more present in our relationships even if in short doses. It is still much better to be completely present for small amounts of time then to be all the time together but absent and unengaged in each others’ lives.

But what does it really mean to be present in your relationships?

Amongst other things it means:

• To listen, understand and be involved more: Listening is the hallmark of participating and being present in your relationship. As a Native American saying goes: “Listen or your tongue will make you deaf”. Can’t be more true.

• Don’t be physically present but mindfully absent: If you are engulfed in thoughts or worries while you are with your loved ones, you are absent. Give your full attention and be absorbed in your present moment together.

• Block and allocate time specifically for your partner or children: Do not multitask. I’ve tried this but it definitely doesn’t work. When it comes to love or family, multitasking is a no no. Allocate a definite time exclusively for that.

• Be aware of the meta-language: Sometimes there are things which go beyond words and which we are not aware of. Sometimes our child or partner might be expressing intentions or feelings in his or her changed attitude, body language and other innuendos. Be aware of it.

• Share your thoughts and emotions: We sometimes twitter our intentions to strangers but don’t make clear announcements to our close ones.

• See things from the other’s point of view: No need to elaborate on this. I think this is essential to keep a relationship healthy.

• Debate less, discuss more and be always open to suggestions: Sometimes problems and arguments arise because we take a critical or defensive stand. By doing so we bar off constructive discussions and growth.

So go ahead and plan and enjoy one of your best Christmas this year by being more fully present with your loved ones. It is the best gift you can give and by creating such a special and warm Christmas atmosphere you are also giving yourself a jolly good time. Merry Christmas!

1. 

   Janita Bolden says:

   March 22, 2010 at 9:31 pm

   i really am liking this site. and i just sent your post to digg.