Ghost Busting the Past

The past can often be a phantom, a ghost that haunts you in the dead of night while you stare at the ceiling with eyes wide open. Unwelcome and hurtful memories can be projected over and over again. Some are relived moment by moment with hyper-realistic vividness, some others are distant loose episodes that you rewind, rehash and montage into a mini-series soap opera of your own, full of drama and multiple endings.

The past can sabotage our present and keep us from leading a full and rich life free from emotional tyranny.

The ghost of the past can manifest itself in different forms such as in memories of broken relationships, childhood fears, traumas, guilt and others.

The past in itself is not the problem or even the cause. This is obvious. What gives your past a badass face is your relationship to it. If you left a door open for it to seep into, it will. The past is a problem because it still lurks its shadows in the present.

So how can you ghost bust the past?

There are some effective ways to put the past where it really belongs – in the past – but first there are some things that you must do to kick its ass out of your present:

1. Identify those things that trigger past memories: The mind is an associative engine – it’s a super pattern-matching machine. There are some things or events that we subconsciously associate with others. The more we experience the object that triggers the memory, the more that association is reinforced. Identifying those triggers is an important step because you can start avoiding them (thus breaking the association) or at least diminish the impact by being more aware.

2. Reframe the memories: Reframing is a pillar technique in Nuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). People who have fears from the past or bad memories holding back their present are asked to return to those memories. This can be done alone in the same way that one does visualization. Visualize an image of a moment in time where that feeling is most strongly felt. Visualize putting a frame around that image. Then imagine the picture getting smaller in size and further away from you. Finally drain out all the color from it until it looks like an old black and white photograph. Keep on using this method again and again until the memory no longer conveys negative emotions.

3. You are not your past: The past conditions you but does not determine you. You only determine your present by how you respond to things now. Wake up and make that distinction clear to yourself.

4. Let go of possible pasts, presents and futures: One way people are haunted by past memories is because they think that if their past had turned differently their present and future would be different. Being sorry and holding on to the past will not help your present but actually waste it. Flush it out. Shit happens, life goes on. Make the best of the rest of your day!

5. Forgive: People night have hurt you or disappointed you in the past. There is a part of you that is angry and wants to make things equal even after a decade has passed. But another part of you wants just closure. It wants to bury the hatchet and let go of the past. This can only be achieved through forgiveness. You can forgive the person face to face or if that’s not possible you can forgive him/her in your heart. Again, some visualization might help. Imagine going to the person and forgiving him.

6. Building trust again: Traumas or fears because of past accidents can leave your confidence and trust in yourself on an all time low. It is important that you start building trust again. One important line of thought to reinforce is that what has happened in the past does not necessarily repeat itself. When you are faced with a similar situation as your past, don’t let it overpower you with fear. Have faith and trust that you can learn from the past and make positive changes.